Home, What’s That?
When I write this, I am 23.
That’s 23 years of trying to figure out what “home” is supposed to mean.
They say home is where the heart is. But I never really agreed with that. I think family is where the heart is. And anyone can be family. Blood doesn’t automatically make someone yours.
Home is something you build. Sometimes it’s the place you live right now. Sometimes it’s the place you keep returning to in your mind. Sometimes it changes.
I won’t bore you with the full list of everywhere I’ve lived, so here are the basics.
As I’m writing this, I have moved more than 17 times. By the time I was seven, I had been on twelve different planes.
Unusual, sure — but that’s my life.
For a long time, I made the stories in my head into a kind of home. It wasn’t healthy. They were so loud, so present, that when I finally sat down to face them, I wrote an entire first draft in just under four months. And there’s still more.
I’ve always struggled to connect with people. I isolated myself so much that through most of high school, I had exactly zero friends. Only recently have I started breaking out of that shell and forming real, lasting connections.
Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that I was an introvert. The truth was simpler: I was afraid. Afraid of getting close to someone only to leave again. Afraid of caring and then losing. So I stopped trying. I told myself I preferred being alone.
But I love people. I crave connection. I just didn’t know how to let myself have it.
I started to feel a little like Goob from Meet the Robinsons:
Image from “Meet the Robinsons” (Disney). Used for commentary.
For a lot of us — no matter the background or the family we grew up with — this is the story we tell ourselves. That distance. That numbness. That idea that it’s normal to stay small and untouched.
I am making the decision right now. I will not let myself slip back into that version of me. I give myself permission to feel. I’m giving myself permission to belong.
And I’m offering you the same permission. I can’t make the choice for you — no one can — but you can decide what kind of life you want to step into. You get to choose whether you stay tucked in the shadows, where it’s safe, or decide to be bold, be brave, and actually live.
Will you?
That’s all for now.
Talk soon,
Rae
